To be honest.

You’re the most stupid asshole I ever loved.

I guess that I could have been the right person for you.
You might indeed not have been the right person for me.
Very true, I deserve better.
But what if I didn’t want better right now?
What if I wanted to be there for you?
Ever thought that I might want to help you love yourself?
Knowing that I wouldn’t grow with you, but I would’ve helped.

I would’ve wanted you to see yourself through my eyes.
And through my eyes you’re far from perfect, you are you.

You are ok, adorable, funny, committed, kind, artistic.

You repeatedly deny yourself your good side.
You choose to see the bad.

But I read your good side between the lines.
It is that side that made me fall for you.
It is that side that made me open up to you.
I’m not stupid you know.

You are.
But that is ok, you’re human.

And people make mistakes.
That is how we learn how to be.
That is how we learn who to be.
That is how we learn who we want to be.
And that is how we learn who we already are.

It was never perfection I was after.
I was always in it for the adventure.

You might deny me you on my adventure.

But you can’t deny me it.

I’m incredibly stubborn you know.

You never saw us through my eyes.
I never saw us through yours.

I could’ve been wrong.
But so could you.

We can blame our baggage.
We can blame our plans.
But neither the future nor the past are present.
In the end I chose to be in the moment.
In the end you chose not to be with me.

You’re the most stupid asshole I ever loved.

Falling in and out of love

With life, with people, with activities..

I find something to love quite easily, and I love wholeheartedly. That's why I'm always very wary of how much of myself to give. I tend to fall out of love as easily as I fall in to it. To safe myself from any possible heartbreak I assume.

In the past this lead to not doing anything at all, afraid that I might end up hurt or disappointed. But the moment I started to realise how strong I can be, things started to look up. I've been able to give more of myself to myself, - and others - I've stopped hiding.

Now how do you give more of/to yourself? There isn't a right way, or just one way but to me that is by always trying to stay true to your inner voice, your gut feeling. You. Weighing out what the consequences could be on the long run to how badly you want something right away. Not thinking about anything at all and just bluntly stumble upon new adventures. Not caring about what anyone around you thinks of your actions as most of their judgment is based upon their beliefs and not yours.
I finally found a way to stay at balance with life.

So if bad/sad things happen now, like learning that a door actually closed behind you while you were looking in a different direction, it doesn't mean that life is over. That path just might not have been the right one after all and you're all the better for it when you leave it behind.

So even when you hear that someone wasn't as into the thing you were having as you thought you were on Friday the 13th, Saturday de 14th - of February - doesn't have to be bad ór sad, it simply made way for new possibilities! New adventures, new people.

Still not a fan of hallmark day, but I do root for love in every possible way. Be it for a significant other, family, music, a pet, arts, food, activities or life itself, to love is the best feeling there is. I guess devoting a day to that emotion/feeling isn't such a bad idea after all.

Happy valentines!
I choose life as my valentine as we are in it for the long run anyways!

Be kind to yourself, we all deserve it.

Love,
Anouk

Keep it coming!

Something wicked this way comes!

So I've been working on more than scanning other peoples groceries these past few weeks. Thingd started, ever so slightly, to look up for me! Part of that is due to me coming out of 'hiding', exploring the world and possibilities outside of my house, but I've also just been getting things handed to me! People come up to me to offer me opportunities and this time around I'm ready to jump right on the wagon when it passes. 

I've actually provided myself with some performances 'till September 2015 :D

I couldn't be happier!

I've started to realise my end of year goals right away this year, lovely start of what promises to become an even better year than the last one.

Ever since I started to leave my safe place - my bubble, my comfort zone - I've been able to see other people better then ever before. I no longer swallow in self pity when others seem to become successful by simply being who they are, I started to analyse, copy and execute. Which, turns out, is quite fun.

This doesn't apply to every situation, so use the next phrase with some caution:

Stop thinking, just do it already and see where you'll end up!

Keep 'em coming! I'll keep you posted!

Love,
Anouk