In love

It's been a crazy couple of weeks!

With a small set back on my eating issues, working non stop, having great times with amazing people and my sister giving birth to the most wonderful creature on planet earth I haven't found the time to write down even a small amount of words these past.. few days? I don't even know how long it's been!

Time is flying by.

Thankfully I'm learning what to appreciate and what to ignore. I first had to learn to feel again and now I have to learn that most feelings are temporary anyways, so they're not the most important thing in the world. It's important to be aware of how you feel about certain situations and people, but it can't be your only guide.
I'm all for following your gut feeling, but sometimes you need to let the bigger picture be your guide in making big decisions.

One thing I do know for sure is that I am in love. Head over heals from the minute I met him.
My nephew, Jamie.
His full name is James Aaron and my sister and brother in law made a beautiful mix of their genes with the little one! He is soft and beautiful and tiny and very much asleep whenever I get to see him, but that's ok. He's only 3 days old.
I just want to squish his little tiny cheeks and give him thousands of kisses, such a proud auntie, honestly words can't describe how I feel. I try to describe it, but I mostly fall silent and just smile :)

So yeah. Crazy, wonderful times.

Love,
Anouk

Verandering van spijs doet eten.

A post in Dutch for a change, regarding Sinterklaas sweets. And how sorry I feel for myself for not being able to eat them anymore. Think of your favorite holiday sweets and then finding out your body doesn't tolerate them anymore. That's where I am right now.
Crying.

Dus, we gaan verder in m'n moerstaal.
Ik heb eerder gepost over mijn angst voor een eventuele glutenallergie. Nu ben ik getest en de test was negatief dus ik dacht: Feest! Kom maar op met het Sinterklaas festijn! Want ondanks het hele pietengezeik (als we nog even doorzetten komt dit nieuwe woord straks nog in de Dikke van Dale!) bakt heel ondernemend Nederland al sinds juni peper- en kruidnoten om consumerend Nederland te voorzien van de knapperige, kruidige lekkernijen voor die tijd wanneer de 'R' weer in de maand zit. En die tijd is al lang en breed aangebroken.

Het verlossende nieuws kwam over de lippen van mijn behandelend arts en nadat ik wel al wist dat tarwe, spelt en mijn darmen geen vriendjes zouden worden - ik heb ondanks de afwezigheid van de allergie namelijk wel gewoon alle symptomen - hoopte ik dat andere graantjes wel kalmpjes door mijn spijsverteringskanaal konden varen zonder verdere klachten.
WRONG. Godverdomme, ik heb nog steeds last van mn sneetje roggebrood van gisteren.

Maar dit betekend dus ook dat ik onmogelijk zonder problemen van speculaasgoed kan genieten :( alles moet glutenvrij en glutenvrij is hoewel soms best goed te doen gewoon niet hetzelfde als het origineel.
Ik kan in kleine hoeveelheden best tegen granen, ik hoef niet net zo streng te zijn als mensen met coeliakie (de goden zij geprezen) maar ik kan helaas niet meedoen in de feestvreugd.

Aan al mijn mede glutenintolerante Nederlanders, het spijt me. Laten we even een moment nemen om in een hoekje te kruipen en te huilen.

Gelukkig ook nog goed nieuws, ik ben vet goed in bakken. Op naar een bevredigende vervanging, I will succeed.

Conclusion in English, being the baker that I am I will find my gluten free substitute for these holiday sweets. And damn it, they will be crunchy and spicy and lovely.

Sorry, I get a little intense when feeling ill :P

Love!

Love

Currently filming some things of myself but this gem just needs to be shared. Naturally from the woman I've been admiring for over 7 years - the lovely and amazingly talented Sara Bareilles. Most awesome woman in current day music.

Cover of Sia's Chandelier 

Love,
Anouk

The spectator from afar

Dreams.

Big or small, it's highly likely that we all have them. Mine is rather... big. Huge could also apply.
I've talked about it before, I want to make a living out of performing. There is one teeny tiny problem - I have no clue how!
I watch all these people that have made it to where I want to be. I try to figure out what made them successful, I try to analyse their road to fame - because let's face it, in the performing arts some fame is necessary to be sure of a follow up job after one project is over - I try to become what is needed. But what is that?

On my road to self respect I've always kept in mind that this self of mine should be able to withstand some setbacks. Life is tough as it is, the performing arts can be brutal to those with an unknown name. As long as your name doesn't make people want to draw their wallets and get a ticket you're in for a long loooooong process.

Most of the time I am wondering what will make me happy and that is what I try to achieve, happiness. But this is what makes me happy, performing. It kills me that I'm not able to just jump on stage, entertain a whole lot of people and try to improve my performance over and over and over and over.

Quarter life crisis? I'm way ahead of you, it'll probably go right on in to my midlifecrisis.

I imagined another life at 22 when I was 17, the one I'm living takes some getting used to. But that's life I guess, it happens when you're making plans.
Once again I will try to be more in the moment and seize any opportunity that comes my way.

Keep you posted.

Love,
Anouk

The do and don't s with the human body

Carbs, protein, sugar, fibre. A long time ago these 4 nations lived together in perfect harmony. This was until the multinationals took over and stirred them up good. Nobody really remembers how to make a healthy diet packed with nutrients and vitamins, but I believe that when we stick together we can make the world and it's population conscious of their foods and how to nurture their bodies in a proper way!

See what I did there? Aw yes, food Avatar!

But all joking aside, I do believe this to be a very serious issue. People don't listen to their bodies anymore, or have forgotten (often never even learned) how to take care of their bodies in the most simplest of ways - with food. 

A diet high in natural vitamins, minerals, protein, fibre, unsaturated fats and - dare I even name them - sugar and carbs is really not that hard to follow, when you have the right information. And it is out there, for those who know how to find it.

That is where my new project comes in. I told you about the website me and my sister are currently making. What we want to do is provide people with the basics about food and make it fun and easy to become a healthier human being! After years of being insecure about my weight, my body and countless diets I am trough with cutting things away foodwise.
We will not be informing you on how to get ripped, skinny or incredibly fit, that is not necessarily a healthy body. Health to me is when your body and mind are in balance with one another, regardless of how thin your waistline is or how noticeable your six pack is.

I've been gathering more and more information on how the body actually works and with a degree in theatre I might be in a little over my head here! But I do believe that being passionate about something is half the job done, so who knows what this can become!

I will keep you posted :)

Love,
Anouk

P.s. first singing video recorded from my room will be arriving shortly. Let's see why those auditions don't get me anywhere. 

New adventures

Am I changing course?

I always had my mind set on only being on stage and that would be my job. But the older I get, the more realistic I have to be. It's hard, fulfilling your dream. My heart is still with the stage, that will probably never change, but I got a new exciting turn ahead of me.

Did I ever tell you that I'm a little.. obsessed with food? I know, I know, all the time. I found out that I have two passions - one being singing on stage and entertaining people, the other being creating food and telling people about why it's good for you and what delicious things you can use to treat your body in a good way. I took both passions in my hands and merged them together into one big and new adventure!

Me and my sister started a website a while ago with some recipes and a little info about food. This never really got of the ground as we didn't have a solid plan. But somehow our interests got spiked again and we both wanted a new concept to work with.
I've been changing my diet since December 2012. I was always very unhappy with who I was. I hated myself for being weak, always eating junk, always having excuses, not being true to who I was. I wasn't happy with whom I was becoming to say the least.

The first step to self improvement was my diet. I thought this was the root of my problems, turns out it was the outcome of what was actually hiding beneath the surface.
To keep a long story short, when I finally gave in to feeding my body proper foods I found the strength I was looking for all along.

A simple, healthy diet helped me becoming more confident about myself, gave me more energy to actually work hard and made it possible for me to feel good about myself and to accept and explore who I am.

I want others to have the same tools as me. I want people to know the value of good food!
So we've decided to go in that direction, educate those who want to learn about why we eat certain types of food, what food does to your body, how your physical and mental health can benefit from what you put into your system!
And the really fun part is that we're also going to make cooking video's! Which to me sounds like performing.

So I am very happy indeed about this new thing in my life! We'll see where it takes us. If I can only help the customers of the organic shop where I work, I'm already satisfied. As long as I can share and make people enthusiastic I'm ok :)

This turned out to be quite a long post after all, oops..

Thank you very very much for visiting my corner of the internet! Hope to see you here again!

Love,
Anouk

Gluten free or gluten full?

Recipe down below!

So I might have a problem with digesting gluten based foods. I get incredibly bloated, gassy and uncomfortable and these are just a few of my food related issues.
But I'm finally getting my test today.

Gluten allergy (celiac disease) runs in my family, sadly. My uncle has it and several of my family members have problems digesting certain types of granes. At first I thought my bowel movements were just incredibly restless. I'd make plenty of noise when the evening came around the corner and my body had to work my gluten based diet through my system. This all started to get worse when I hit 20. It started with just a simple rumble and some bloating. Then it gradually got worse.
A painfully bloated belly, rumblings throughout the day, feeling sick and tired, stomach ache and acid, mood swings, being easily irritated and never enough energy to get me through the day.
I never used to have these problems so I was wondering what the hell was wrong with me! I went to the doctors with all my complaints - several times, starting at age 16 - but nothing ever came out of that. It was just puberty or sleeping badly, or maybe even irritatible bowel syndrome. Nothing to worry about really.

So here I am, trying to rule out another option of 'what is cooking with Anouk'. I wholeheartedly hope that I don't have celiac disease!

On to the test. I had been eating gluten free for a while when I went to the doctor. She told me that in order for the test to work I had to eat gluten for at least a month so my small intestine could get irritated. Then they would take out a small piece of that to examine whether or not it had been affected by the gluten. If so, I have celiac disease.
If not, I have nothing to worry about apart from the fact that I really can't handle granes and then would not know why.

I will find out next Friday.

Right now I'm still in bed after waking up 2 hours ago. I'm not allowed to eat. And as breakfast is my favorite meal of the day I am bummed out to say the least. This also means I have to skip my cup of joe. That bums me out even more. And there is a new episode of Once Upon a Time waiting for me to enjoy it, but I can't without food. Or won't. Ugh.

So to get mentally satisfied in my hunger for good food I share with pride - my new soup recipe! I call it: 'Fall in a cup'.

Note to self

It's ok to take your time.

You're always rushing in your head. Even when you sit down you think of hours, days and years ahead.
Every person you meet might play a role in your personal sitcom,
Every story you write might be loved by those around you,
Every song you write has to perfect and original,
And you always try to grow with every breath you take.

But don't forget to slow down and appreciate the world around you. Those people in it? You can learn by observing them. Listen to their stories and learn how you see the world by taking their views in question. Do you agree with their ideals? Why or why not?

Don't forget to smile to others. Even if it's someone who is giving you a hard time let them and yourself know that with every bad thing that happens there will always be one person ready to make your day a little lighter, and it only costs you a smile.

Don't forget to take your time. When you're always running towards something you think is your goal, you might miss opportunities along the way. Life sometimes hands you sweets, stick out your hand and examine them. Take your time to pick your favorite, taste a view of them, look at them closely and pick your favorite color or smell or taste. Don't rush yourself into making decisions, you might end up with the nasty candies.

Don't be afraid to take it slow. You can't be everywhere at once anyways so enjoy your ride. You only take it once.
Make that cake you always wanted to make. Take that trip you always wanted to go on. Create the style you've always desired.

Enjoy exploring who you really are and don't strife for perfection but for fun and happiness.

Love

And I'm feeling good!

Hell yeah!

Will probably not feel this good in a few hours when my alarm will rudely wake me up far to early, but I'm having one of those nights where I don't want to sleep. To much going on in my head, to many things yet to be thought of, or to get excited about!

First off - I think my eating disorder is officially over! Fuck yeah, moving on to the next chapter of today's post -

Accepting oneself!

I feel like I'm finally getting ok with who I am. Who I really am that is and not the person I think others like to see.
I've been so obsessed with fitting into a certain box my entire life that I never took the time to discover who I actually am and what it is that I like. What are my beliefs? What do I find important, how do I want to treat people and how do I want them to treat me?
It might be very normal to be discovering this at the age of 22, I just feel free of my own judgement for once. And it feels amazing!

This got me thinking about how we like to put people in certain boxes and how we like these boxes to determine the world around us. It makes sense, so don't feel bad when you recognize yourself in this! It's a very safe thing to do, giving other people a place in a fictional group. We long to be a part of one anyways, so it's easier to think of people as larger groups of like minded individuals then every single one of them being very different. It makes behavior and thought patterns understandable for people outside of the 'group' and it also makes it very easy to decide where you like to belong.

There are the over-achievers - mostly very neat and together, stressful during exams and never happy with the end results.
The theatrical people - untidy, chaotic individuals with a very dreamy outlook on life, often very colorful and eccentric.
The business-man-type - married, very busy, glued to his phone and laptop and always accompanied by a cup of coffee. Or espresso, as that is real coffee.
The foodie - a hipster like individual, very active on social media, likes vintage clothing and interiors and never fails to snap a picture of their super(food) salad.

Sounds familiar? Social groups like these make it very easy to determine who the person whom you've just got to know is. What do you like? What do you wear? What spikes your interest?

But I believe that this is just a false imagination of security. Many of us are so much more than just one thing. No group can fully grasp the meaning of being who you are, there is always more! Try to fit yourself into a box, you probably can't. Why then put others in one?

I try to think of people as interesting individuals these days. Everyone has their own story and you can learn a little from each of them. Even if it wasn't intentional, maybe someone made a certain choice which you can't relate to. But if you ever find yourself in a similar situation you know that you can at least rule out one option!

I don't know, keep an open mind is what I'm trying to say I guess. I'm just figuring it all out on the go :)

Enough for now, I'm finally getting tired.
Hope you liked my epiphany!

Love,
Anouk